Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Growing Up

(Editor's Note: Thomas Cabernoch is a fellow godless Phoenician. This post was originally published at his personal website here. Read the rest of his writings here.)

By: Thomas Cabernoch

It's a 'growing up' thing, like how babies eat real food instead of a bottle after they get old enough.

I was a bright kid. I was an altar boy, Boy Scout, played baseball, went to karate and gymnastics, and attended Catholic school (nuns and all!).

I was pre-occupied with god. I felt awful about myself, and I wanted god to make it all go away. I used to pray constantly, and then berate myself for praying for personal gain (on things like sixth-grade math tests). I shoplifted a lot and then prayed about it. There was even some self-mutilation in there. Religion was supposed to fix all of it, but seemed to have no effect.

One day I when I was 12, I was riding my bicycle, doing a little thinking about it all. I wistfully decided that all psychic and ufo stories (which I had been collecting avidly) were probably horseshit. Witchcraft and magic were obviously also complete trash.

... and then ...

With no fanfare whatsoever, I turned my attention to god. It was completely obvious that the Bible had nothing on any other religion, and that all of them were lies.

And then I was free. The moment was no different from the previous one. Just me. No god there. There had never been a god there. The delusion was simply gone.

I took control of my life. I got a job (paperboy). I got in a couple fights. I focused on school. I met some friends. I learned that true honesty comes because of self-respect, not a duty to god. I found that achievement is the product of effort. I started developing into a person instead of a scared little child.

That moment changed my life. In some respects I feel it started my life.


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